Welcome to the Tempe Tip Hotline designed to help you to quell scurrilous rumors about the city's benevolent rule by reporting any malcontents to the appropriate authorities.
Despite a rapidly fleeing population, in these hard economic times when many Tempeans are out of work and falling property equity we are trying hard to improve your life by taxing more of your purchases and property. We have an extensive plan for assisting the homeless by involving the business community.
Our ability to fill a lake with ONE BILLION gallons of water in a dry river bed in the middle of a desert during the worst drought in Arizona history was nothing short of remarkable. The loss of 1,700,000 gallons of water a day due to evaporation is readily replaced with abundant water from the CAP or sucking down the SRP. This artificial lake created at taxpayer expense to make the land values of bankrupt developers increase--because we care--has become a tremendous wildlife refuge for mosquitoes and flies as well as colorful non-endangered species of algae. We are proud of our recent effort to environmentally scrub clean the downstream Salt River by releasing water from the lake. We are discussing and discussing making the lake's dam permanent, but in the meantime to delay making an actual decision we will replace the dam with another temporary dam so we can do another release of water in a couple of years to feed the gators.
This week, in order to serve you better, your Town Council has decided to eliminate all of the competition that has been offering you a confusing choice of desired services by mandating our own uniform garbage collection monopoly which benefits you by reducing the hard choices you have to make through compulsory participation. Instead of your hard earned wages going to some soon to be unemployed garbage men you will be supporting our town's bureaucrats and the well connected patrons we hire to subcontract the collection of your trash once a week in the future.
The Information Awareness Office (IAO) was established by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the research and development agency of the United States Department of Defense, in January 2002 to bring together several DARPA projects focused on applying information technology to counter transnational threats to national security. The IAO mission was to "imagine, develop, apply, integrate, demonstrate and transition information technologies, components and prototype, closed-loop, information systems that will counter asymmetric threats by achieving total information awareness".
If you are visiting this site, you have probably received a "Thank you for cooperating ..." note from one of our investigators, or a "Sorry we missed you ..." notice. Thank you for your interest in our new Total Individual Compliance program, or TIC for short. TIC was designed to latch on to every single person in the United States and siphon off all pertinent information regarding their habits, contacts and beliefs to be measured against our ever more accurate profile database to determine their propensity to disobey and monitor them completely 24/7/365 for life and thereafter. We thank you for making our society more safe for everybody. We at TIC have swelled with pride at making America safer for everyone evermore everyday and you are an important part of the team.
Happiness: We're all in it together.
Whether it is examining your bank records, your e-mails, listening in on your phone calls, examining your purchases to what television shows you watch we never rest in protecting you from your neighbors, your family -- even yourself. You can help the Ministry Of Information Awareness section help you to be safe by being suspicious.
Remember suspicion breeds confidence.
Unless you are confident of your co-workers, neighbors and friends you cannot feel safe. So report any hint of suspicious behavior to your local law enforcement at once. It is not just a good idea, it is the law.
Don't suspect a friend, report them.
In these times where disloyal subjects are complaining of weekly increases in grocery prices, new traffic restrictions, increases in their fair share of taxes, shortages in gasoline or safe drinking water, increased working hours or extra jobs they may labor we must remain vigilant for opportunities to educate the subversive. Remember loose talk is noose talk.
Information is your key to prosperity. The better we know you and everyone the more prosperous we all become. Knowledge is power, and only someone as reliable and dependable as your government is capable of wisely managing knowledge.
Knowing where all potential threats to the state are at all times is of utmost importance to us. Some of our proudest accomplishments in achieving this goal in the past few years have included the following categories:
Site maintained by the National-Regional-Multistate Task Force for Public Compliance. All funding comes through confiscated property under RICO. Would you like to contribute?
